Mental filtering (or negative filtering) is a cognitive distortion, or a faulty thought pattern, that causes a person to ‘filter’ out positive events and focus on negative ones.  Mental filtering occurs when we discard our pleasant memories and the emotions attached to them, and only keep the bad ones. Think about a sand sifter on…

For the destruction of understanding is a pestilence, much more indeed than any such corruption and change of this atmosphere which surrounds us. Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book IX Stoicism introduced to the world the idea that perception is reality. But Stoics did not forget that reality is reality, too, and that we all should strive…

Emotional snowballing happens when our reactions to uncomfortable emotions create more uncomfortable emotions. This core emotion grows as it goes, like a snowball gathering more snow as it rolls down a hill. A common example is worry about worry, but emotional snowballing can occur when any one emotional reaction builds from another. Before we dive into…

Emotional growth means growing in our emotional abilities. This means not only getting better at managing our emotions, but also in the ability to evoke emotions of our choice. We do not have complete control over our emotions. If we did, we’d all decide to be happy, and live happily ever after. But we do…

Realistic goals are a powerful thing. For many years, I overlooked the value of a good goal. They seemed hokey and destined for failure. More than anything, they seemed like a lot of unnecessary pressure. Then, for some reason, I gave it a try about a week into the new year. Around that time, my…

The Golden Rule — treat others how you’d like to be treated — is a universal maxim. It is a law of reciprocity — if we treat others with kindness, they will be compelled to treat us with kindness in turn. The concept dates back to ancient Egypt, at least, and can be found in religious…

Do you ever wonder why your latest purchases fail keep you happy? It may be because you’re on the hedonic treadmill. The hedonic treadmill (also known as hedonic adaptation) refers to the tendency for our happiness to return to a baseline or ‘set point’ regardless of our circumstances, choices, or accomplishments.  In this article we…

“Man is disturbed not by things, but by the views he takes of them.” — Epictetus,  1st Century Stoic philosopher “People don’t just get upset. They contribute to their upsetness.” — Albert Ellis, 20th Century psychologist When you make the decision to seek counseling or therapy, you are in part making the decision to consult an…

Bad habits are patterns of behavior that derail goals and cause pain or distress. They can develop any number of ways, but stress and boredom often have something to do with it. In this article we will explore how to break bad habits with classical conditioning. Stress will always be present in your life. Sometimes…